Tornado
by sheepish123
Summary: Sequel to "Thunder" and "Lightning". Amanda and Olivia try to cope with the intense feelings they have toward one another while working together, but their current case combined with each woman's fierce denial threatens to put an end to their relationship before it even has a chance to get started. One-shot. Amanda/Olivia pairing. Part 3 of 4 of the "Heat Wave" series.


**This is the sequel to "Thunder" and "Lightning" so please read those stories first. :) I was going to make this into a trilogy with "Tornado" being the last of these fics, but I have decided to turn it into a little series instead. This series is called "Heat Wave" and the fourth and final installment (which is currently untitled) will be posted as soon as I have enough time to complete it. Life has been quite hectic lately so there might be a bit of a delay, but I will get it written as soon as I can. :)**

 **Just another reminder that Noah and Jesse don't exist in this fic. The length of this story is absolutely ridiculous and I feel like I should apologize for rambling on and on with my writing, lol. The harder I try to post shorter chapters, the longer they seem to be! :)**

 **Another massive thank you to my fabulous friend unbreakable86 for making the beautiful pic for this story! :***

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The dream is like something out of a bad romance novel; completely cheesy and sappy, not to mention entirely unrealistic and just plain stupid, but Amanda doesn't care. She is with Olivia at the beach, the two of them curled up naked together in the hot white sand right at the ocean's edge, the bright sunshine casting its cheerful rays down upon them and gently warming their skin. The water is a stunning shade of turquoise, tipped with frothy white waves that roll gently over their entwined bodies and splash lightly into their faces, making them giggle. They are utterly alone on the huge, deserted beach; the only two people for miles around, the sand and water stretching out in all directions in a vast expanse of incredible tropical scenery. Amanda is more content than she has ever been before, a calm happiness that she has never known at any point in her life settling deep within her soul and filling her with a joyous hope.

There is a part of her that knows this is only a dream; that this serene oasis can't possibly exist in the real world, at least not for someone like her, and Amanda tries desperately to hold onto it as she is not at all eager to make a return trip to the reality that is awaiting her. She laughs in confused surprise as Olivia suddenly shimmies down her body to lick playfully at her feet, sucking Amanda's baby toe into her mouth and grinning up at her with a mischievous mirth dancing in those large dark eyes. Amanda is about to ask what has gotten into the older woman when she realizes that it is Frannie staring back at her now and Olivia has seemingly disappeared into thin air, vanishing without a trace like she had never even existed.

No matter how hard she tries to hold onto them, the vivid sights and sounds and smells of the tropical location slip right through Amanda's fingers like the water she and her boss had just been frolicking in, the bright sunniness of the beach slowly transforming into the gloomy dimness of her bedroom. Amanda's bare legs are hanging over the edge of the mattress, a light quilt wrapped in a tangled choke hold around her nude body, and Frannie is standing beside the bed, licking very vigorously at her feet and gnawing playfully on a toe as if to tell her owner to stop lounging around like a lazy bum and get up to feed her some breakfast.

Amanda sighs in disappointment and gently nudges her pet away with her foot, tucking her leg back beneath the blanket in order to escape the wet ticklish sensation of the dog's tongue. She had known all along that it was way too good to possibly be true and reality is slamming back into her with the force of a train now; suddenly very aware of the fact that she is in the grips of the one of the worst hangovers she has ever experienced, the blinding headache and extreme nausea a painful reminder of how staying up all night to drink beer with her colleagues at the local bar is not nearly as easy to recover from at the age of thirty-seven than it was a decade or two prior.

The sky had been lightening with the break of dawn by the time Amanda had stumbled home from a bar next to the one Carisi had chosen for a fun evening out with the team, the day promising to be just as hot and humid and stormy as the past few weeks have been. She can hear the rain pattering gently against the window and lets her eyes drift closed again, wincing at Frannie's responding mournful whimper, which in her severely hungover state sounds like the equivalent of a wailing siren right in her ear. The previous night is beginning to come back to her in jagged bits and pieces as she lays there limply on the sheets, a whirling kaleidoscope of half-remembered events with her squad mates; pounding back the beer with Fin like she was never going to stop, singing karaoke and dancing with Carisi...

And making out with Olivia in the alleyway next door to the bar.

Amanda sits bolt upright in the bed and grabs onto both sides of her head in agony as a white hot slash of pain seems to stab right through the center of her brain, her stomach roiling unpleasantly in response and her mind fixated on the scene in the alley with Olivia. She recalls kissing her boss with a wild abandon and that Olivia had shockingly been the one to initiate this action between them; how it had felt just as good and right as it had when they had kissed for the first time the previous weekend, the anger and need and arousal all mixing together in a complex storm of emotions that had her heart racing madly inside her chest and an unsatisfied ache pulsing between her legs.

That same ache is making a curious reappearance now, even though Amanda can't remember a time when she has felt this physically wretched; the constant lust and desire she has for Olivia pushing right through the pain and nausea of her hangover, and she squeezes her legs together as a dampness pools at the juncture of her naked thighs. There seems to be something niggling repeatedly at the back of her brain that is trying to make itself known and Amanda frowns in perplexity and uneasiness as her mind appears to be trying to latch onto something, a memory of her time in the alley with the other woman. She can't quite seem to grab ahold of it, though; the memory hanging just out of reach and dangling there in a tantalizing and frustrating fashion, waiting for her to catch it.

Frannie has been pacing impatiently back and forth next to the bed and trots over to lay her head on the blanket that is draped across Amanda's lap, giving another sorrowful howl like she is on the verge of starving to death because her owner refuses to vacate the bed and start the day.

"Okay, girl, I get the hint," Amanda murmurs apologetically, her tongue feeling like a giant ball of cotton inside her mouth as she speaks, petting a soothing hand over the dog's soft fur and unable to put a finger on what exactly is bothering her. "Just give Mama a chance to put some clothes on and then you'll get your breakfast, okay?"

Frannie gives an excited bark in reply, like the canine understands precisely what her owner has just said and is unable to contain her glee at the prospect of food, Amanda wincing again and covering her ears with her hands. She gives the dog another comforting pat on the back, trying to calm Frannie down enough so that it doesn't feel like her head is about to explode from the noise, smiling slightly when her pet gazes up at her with adoring dark eyes, long pink tongue lolling out of the side of her mouth.

"I love you, my sweet girl," Amanda says softly, leaning down to press a fond kiss to the canine's head. "How could anyone not be in love with this cute face, huh? I think I'm in love with you, Frannie Mae," she coos teasingly, and the memory suddenly hits her like a hard slap right across the face.

" _I think I'm in love with you, Liv."_

Amanda sucks in a harsh breath as she is instantly flooded with a panicked embarrassment, scrambling clumsily for her phone which is sitting on the nightstand and unseating Frannie's head from her lap, the dog giving a disgruntled yip in response. She ignores her pet for a moment, scrolling frantically through her recent text messages and calls with shaking fingers and gasping breaths as she searches for anything else she might have done in her extremely drunken state, although she is not sure what could possibly be worse than the confession of love to her lieutenant. She is very relieved when she finds nothing more than a brief text from Carisi that had come in half an hour earlier, her fellow detective telling her how much fun the night had been and inquiring as to how she is feeling this morning.

Amanda is beyond mortified as she recalls the scene that had taken place in the alleyway during the night, the lightning flashing above their heads and the thunder rolling in the distance, Olivia wrapped up safely in her embrace as she had whispered those forbidden words into her boss' ear that she had never meant to say; the words that she had intended on keeping a secret forever. She curses those seemingly unending pitchers of beer that had arrived quite regularly at their table throughout the evening, the alcohol doing its best to make her act like a complete love-struck idiot and loosening her tongue just enough to allow her biggest secret to slip out.

Amanda can't seem to get ahold of her wildly spiraling panic now, the ramifications of what she has done hitting her full force and unsure of how she will be able to show her face at the precinct on Monday; if it will be too awkward to even look Olivia in the eye or if the older woman will actually decide that Amanda needs to be transferred to another precinct because it is inappropriate and unethical to work with a subordinate who is in love with her. The anxiety and embarrassment and desire are coiling so tightly together in a dizzying array of emotions that it takes her breath away, Amanda's heart thumping in a sickening fashion now and sweat beading her forehead and upper lip, the panic ratcheting up a notch as she realizes that she is about to throw up.

She bounds from the bed and dashes into the bathroom with Frannie quick on her heels, nearly tripping over last night's outfit which is strewn across the floor, a short black dress lying in a crumpled heap and red high heels scattered haphazardly, skimpy panties notably missing from the ensemble. Amanda collapses in front of the toilet just as last night's beer and chicken wings and French fries make a gruesome reappearance, vomiting profusely for several minutes before sitting back on her heels and clutching her pounding head in agony.

Frannie is dancing anxiously around the toilet and leans over to swipe a comforting tongue across her cheek, Amanda smiling slightly and resting her head on the dog's warm back for a moment. She gets shakily to her feet, self-pity and regret wrapping themselves around her like a blanket, and stumbles naked into the kitchen just long enough to pour some dog food into a bowl and refresh Frannie's water before dragging her aching body into the shower.

Amanda stands there with her face pressed against the tile wall as the hot water rains down over her head, beginning to feel slightly better as the steamy spray washes away any lingering sweat and grime from her body, and wishing it could wash away the thoughts and feelings inside her head. She can't seem to stop her mind from straying to the events of the previous night, remembering how she had marched back into the bar with the intent of drinking herself into oblivion after yet another heartbreaking rejection from Olivia, assuming her boss had headed straight home after their heated exchange in the alleyway.

The storm had raged on throughout the night as she had consumed more alcohol with Fin and danced to more songs with Carisi, both men asking repeatedly if she was okay, Fin with a disconcertingly knowing look in his eye and Amanda brushing off their concern each and every single time until they had eventually stopped inquiring. When the bar had closed down for the night, they had found another one right next door, listening to tunes from the 1980's while playing pool and darts and drinking even more booze, Amanda's thoughts fixated on Olivia, obsessing about their kiss in the alley, her drunken confession to the older woman, and how her boss was faring during the latest violent storm to hit New York.

She considers texting the brunette when she gets out of the shower, that worry and guilt spiking through her once again when she recalls Olivia's terror of thunder and lightning and wondering how she had made it through the rest of the night after Amanda had gone back into the bar, leaving the other woman alone in the alley. There is an anger simmering just below the surface of Amanda's other emotions, so sick of being yanked back and forth because of Olivia's apparent inability to make a decision, the older woman so clearly feeling something for her as well, but there is a hint of lust twining with the anger now as Amanda remembers the jealousy and need that her boss had been exhibiting when she had sang karaoke and danced with Carisi.

That wave of guilt washes over her again but this time it is due to her actions with Carisi and not Olivia, admitting to herself that the older woman may have had a point when she had accused Amanda of using their teammate to make her jealous. She had been laying it on a little thick with her fellow detective; acknowledging that even though they were just goofing around and having a good time, she had been able to sense something else just below the surface, something that was a little more romantic in nature than the friendly banter they were sharing together, and Amanda feels immature and ashamed because she had gone along with it and played it up in order to drive her boss crazy. Carisi is one of her closest friends in the world and the last thing Amanda wants to do is cause him any hurt or pain and she knows she needs to nip this in the bud before it goes any further.

She finds her thoughts wandering yet again to what had taken place in the alley with Olivia, the older woman's lips crashing down on top her own and a leg pressed firmly between her naked thighs, that arousal coiling swiftly inside of Amanda as she thinks about how soaked her panties had been when she had removed them in the bathroom and surreptitiously dropped them into the trash can when no one was looking. Amanda is still leaning against the tiled wall and she allows her eyes to drift closed and a hand to travel down her body, sliding over her ribs and stomach and coming to rest at the juncture of her thighs. There is a heat and wetness residing there that have nothing to do with the shower she is taking, and Amanda hisses in pleasure as she eases a finger into slick and swollen folds.

She strokes herself the way she wishes Olivia had in the alleyway, remembering how desperately she had wanted the older woman's hand to trail beneath the hem of her short black dress, and the arousal is becoming much more pronounced now, stunning in its intensity, especially considering how horrible she feels at the moment, like someone is splitting her head in two with an ax. Amanda's breathing picks up and a tingling sensation spreads throughout her body as she very firmly rubs the distended bundle of nerves beneath her fingertips and she knows it's not going to be long before she reaches her goal.

There is a sudden disturbance in the room as a needy bark rings out and sharp toenails click across the floor, the sound echoing loudly within the small space, and Amanda lets out of grunt of frustration as she realizes that she had forgotten to close the door.

"Frannie, shoo!" she yelps, yanking her fingers away from herself and thrusting the shower curtain open to see her pet prancing around the bathroom and poking her nose into the corner to sniff curiously at something. "Mama needs some alone time."

Once Frannie has been ushered back out in the living room and the door is safely closed behind her, Amanda picks right back up where she had left off, fingers sliding easily between her legs again as she strokes herself to completion, shuddering uncontrollably and coming surprisingly hard for feeling so physically unwell, Olivia's name dragging out from parted lips on a breathy moan of satisfaction.

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Monday morning does not get off to a great start as Amanda still doesn't feel one hundred percent better, even after resting for the entire weekend, and New York is currently under a rare tornado watch, the weather forecasters advising everyone to stay safe and take cover if severe weather approaches. Although it is unlikely to actually occur, Amanda had dropped Frannie off at her next door neighbor's place for the day in the event that the worst happens, and she feels better knowing that her pet is safe and protected while she is at work. A tornado watch is not only rare for the city itself but also for the time of day, as it is quite early in the morning and tornadoes are more likely to occur in the evening, but the dark clouds are hanging low in a sky that is heavy and leaden with the ominous threat, the air thick with humidity and impending violence.

The grim and dreary weather perfectly matches Amanda's rotten mood as she rides the elevator up to the squad room, not at all eager to begin this day, her heart racing in nervous anticipation of Olivia's reaction to her and desperately wishing she could take back her drunken confession from the other night. She had remained snuggled up in bed or sprawled out across the couch for the majority of the weekend, either trying to sleep off her hangover or watching TV while cuddling with Frannie, resolutely refraining from calling or texting Olivia, part of her dying to make contact with the older woman while the other part had been too terrified. She hasn't heard from her boss for the entire weekend and Amanda's heart is in her throat as she enters the squad room, wondering with silent trepidation at what awaits her.

As usual, she is the last one of her team to arrive at the precinct and is immensely relieved to see that Olivia is inside her office with the door closed, observing the other woman pacing back and forth through the window while talking on the phone, and Amanda turns toward her desk to sit down before Olivia can look up and make eye contact with her. Fin is slumped at his own desk, looking a little worse for wear as he types listlessly on his keyboard with one hand while chugging from a mug of coffee with the other, and she watches as Carisi walks into the room with a matching mug clutched in his hand, not appearing quite as cheerful and enthusiastic as usual but seemingly doing a lot better than their older colleague currently is.

"Rough weekend, there, Fin?" Amanda teases as she boots up her computer and tries to ignore those insistent butterfly wings fluttering rapidly inside her stomach, unrealistically hoping that Olivia will stay inside her office for the remainder of the day and she won't have to deal with the other woman's reaction to her confession.

"Uggghhh," her partner groans out in response. "Remind me never to go drinking with you people again. I spent the whole weekend with my head shoved into the toilet. I've never been so sick in my entire life. I am _way_ too old for that shit."

"Really?" Carisi replies, sounding surprised and concerned as he takes a sip from his mug and settles into his chair. "I've been a little nauseous but not too bad. And I found another place that might be fun for us to try out this Friday-"

" _No_ ," Amanda and Fin both interrupt very firmly in unison, Carisi's mouth pulling down into a rejected pout.

"I think we're done with the team get togethers for now, okay?" Amanda says as gently as she can, observing the disappointed expression on her fellow detective's face. "Let's just take a little break before trying out the next place you have in mind, alright?"

"Well, I guess it's okay to take a _little_ break," Carisi concedes reluctantly, and Amanda feels her stomach muscles clench slightly as her colleague fixes her with a somewhat intense look. "But Friday night was fun, wasn't it? The singing, the dancing, the atmosphere of the place." He grins at her hopefully now, his expression resembling that of an eager puppy. "You had fun with me, didn't you, Amanda?"

"Well, yes...I had fun with _everyone_ ," she hedges carefully, feeling a hint of guilt as she notices Fin observing them both very closely now, the older man's attention diverted away from his computer screen and cup of coffee, and she is reminded again of Olivia's accusations in the alleyway; that Amanda had been taking advantage of Carisi's apparent feelings for her and had just been using him to make the other woman jealous.

"Good, I'm glad you had fun," her co-worker responds with a smile and a twinkle in his eye, and Amanda bites down hard on her lower lip when the next words leave his mouth. "I was thinking if it was too soon for another group event, maybe you and I could go grab a bite to eat somewhere, just the two of us."

She hears Fin clear his throat gruffly and resume typing away rapidly at his keyboard, and Amanda can see the older man shaking his head in her peripheral vision. Before she can utter a reply, she is saved from the conversation by the sound of Olivia's office door opening swiftly and banging loudly against the wall, making them all jump in surprise, and Amanda is actually relieved that she is about to come face to face with her boss for the first time since her confession of love the previous week.

"Alright, people, look alive out here," Olivia announces brusquely as she strides out of her office and into the room, Amanda noticing that the older woman is studiously avoiding any eye contact with her. "We've got a new case and I want everyone at the top of their game today. It seems to me that you are all still recovering from our evening out, so I feel the need to remind you that the trip to the bar took place on Friday evening and it is now Monday morning. There is absolutely no excuse for any laziness or exhaustion on the job today because of your inability to control your alcohol consumption. There is possible severe weather in the forecast for the next several hours and I need all of you to be careful out there. I expect nothing less than the best today, are we clear on that?"

Amanda groans inwardly and has to refrain from rolling her eyes, even while her heart gives a quick leap at the close proximity of the older woman, joining in her teammates' mumbled responses that they will all do their best to get through the day with the utmost professionalism. Olivia is quite clearly in a very foul mood, and she trades uneasy glances with Fin and Carisi, the awkwardness of the previous discussion instantly replaced by the discomfort of the current one.

"Fin and Carisi, I need the two of you to go over to Mercy Hospital to interview our victim, Steven Johnson, who was beaten and sexually assaulted in the bathroom of a nightclub around two o'clock this morning," Olivia continues in the same clipped, no-nonsense tone, her gaze finally swinging over to rest on Amanda with an unreadable expression. "Rollins, I would like to see you in my office, please."

Olivia's words seem to hang ominously in the air for a moment, Amanda's heart seizing inside her chest and a nervous sweat blooming across her forehead, Fin and Carisi both pausing briefly in the act of rising from their chairs, and she steadfastly avoids eye contact with each of the men, knowing that they are observing her curiously now and wondering what is going on.

"That wasn't a polite request," Olivia barks out, and all three of them snap to attention under their lieutenant's stern stare and sharp tone. "Everyone get to where they're supposed to be before I have to ask you again."

"Yes, boss," Carisi murmurs guiltily, Fin muttering something indecipherable under his breath, and Amanda watches her colleagues stride quickly from the room, overcome with a wave of longing and wishing more than anything that she was going with them.

When she tears her gaze away from the departing figures of her co-workers, Amanda finds herself face to face with Olivia, the older woman suddenly standing much closer to her than she had been previously, her boss' dark eyes boring intensely into her own blue ones. Their gazes remain locked on one another for a long moment as if engaging in a silent starting contest, until Olivia inclines her head toward her office, a soundless invitation for Amanda to accompany her into the next room.

She swallows hard in response and follows the other woman into the adjoining office, trying to muster as much confidence as she possibly can when Olivia closes the door behind them and gestures for Amanda to take a seat on the couch. She perches uncomfortably on the cushions, that stubborn nervous sweat now pooling at the back of her neck underneath her long blonde hair, and Amanda resists the urge to stand back up and walk right out of the office, not wanting any part of what is most likely going to be the most awkward conversation she has ever had to endure.

Olivia is leaning back against her desk, legs crossed at the ankles and arms folded over her chest, body language appearing quite relaxed now after chewing out her subordinates in the squad room, but Amanda knows better. The older woman has an expectant look on her face, like she is gearing up for some kind of long speech or harsh reprimand, and Amanda decides right then and there that she is going to play dumb. She has the very valid excuse of having done exactly what Olivia had accused them all of doing, which is being unable to control her alcohol consumption, and she is going to lie right through her teeth if the brunette brings up what had happened between them in the alley a few nights ago. Denial and booze are her two best friends at this very moment and Amanda is going to play them up for all they are worth.

"Look, I know this is not really the time or the place for a discussion like this, but I think we need to talk about what happened the other night," Olivia starts out in a surprisingly soft tone, much different from the sharp way she had spoken to everyone a few minutes prior. "I'll make this very quick because we both have other things we should be doing right now and this case needs to take priority over any personal issues, but I think we have a problem here, Rollins. What you said to me on Friday..."

The older woman trails off and Amanda feels herself blushing profusely under Olivia's intense scrutiny, her shoulders hunching up to her ears as if in protective defense before she forces them to relax, reminding herself that she is supposed to be pretending she has no idea what the other woman is talking about. "I don't think it's right for us to be working together if you have those kind of feelings for me," Olivia continues, compassion radiating from her voice but a hint of steel apparent underneath, like she is not going to tolerate any kind of argument in return.

The panic that spikes through Amanda's system is instantaneous and overwhelming and she struggles to control the emotions that are threatening to spill forth, her thoughts racing out of control as visions of having to transfer to another precinct are running through her mind now, along with the heartbreaking denial that Olivia is still displaying concerning her own feelings. The other woman's feelings may not be on the same level that Amanda's are, but she knows something is there; something that is worth exploring, but that Olivia is not going to let her guard down at all and admit anything to her, at least not right now.

Two can play at this game, though, and Amanda wills her racing heart to calm, for the sweat on her forehead and the back of her neck to dissipate, and for her raging hormones to take a break, as Olivia looks deliciously enticing leaning there against the desk in her classy work attire, not a strand of dark hair out of place on her head, radiating a cool and confident demeanor despite the conversation they are currently having. She longs to ask the other woman how she is doing, if Olivia had gotten through the storm okay on Friday night and if she is worried about the possible severe weather today; wants to know absolutely everything that the brunette is thinking and feeling without this awful awkwardness and rejection and the other woman's hypocritical behavior, but if Olivia refuses to acknowledge what is going on between them, then Amanda will be damned if she is the one who is going to cave first.

"What feelings?" she asks with feigned ignorance, her head tilting to the side in well-practiced confusion and hands lifting slightly into the air with her palms facing up toward the ceiling. "What are you talking about, Benson? What did I say to you on Friday?"

Olivia regards her intently for a brief moment, squinting at her like the older woman is trying to ascertain whether or not Amanda is telling the truth. "You know what I'm talking about," she finally replies evenly. "You know what you said."

"No, actually, I don't," Amanda replies sweetly, letting a slightly perplexed smile ghost across her lips. "I had a lot to drink that night and I don't think I could have even told you my own name if you had asked me." She chuckles hollowly at the words she has just spoken, her heart aching in her chest as she observes Olivia's skeptical expression, the brunette's eyebrows raised in bemusement and a look of such deep hurt and misery flashing so quickly across her features that Amanda almost doesn't catch it.

Dead silence descends upon the office and Amanda listens to the din of conversation and the clacking of keyboards in the next room, life carrying on as usual for the cops beyond these four walls, not one of them having any idea of the strong battle of wills that the lieutenant and detective are presently locked into, each of them staring the other down like they are waiting to see who will break first.

"Well, okay..." Olivia finally speaks up, her voice trailing off somewhat uncertainly and Amanda smirking inwardly in response, trying to ignore that persistent ache inside her chest that is determined to spread throughout her entire body and drown her in a wave of sorrow and regret. "I can't figure out if you're actually telling me the truth or not in terms of what you remember, but when we were together outside of the bar on Friday night, after we kissed..." There is a brief pause. "You said that you thought you might be in love with me."

"Excuse me?" Amanda chokes out around the large lump that has risen inside her throat and she has to blink back a sudden onslaught of tears as she recalls how perfect it had felt when Olivia's lips has crashed so insistently and desperately into her own; the need and desire and love that had poured forth from within, and she has to refrain from mentioning that it was Olivia herself who had initiated that action between them. "Don't flatter yourself, Benson" she continues disdainfully, with a flippant wave of her hand. "I have absolutely no memory of that whatsoever. You should know better than to take someone's word for it when they're drunk off their ass. For all I know, you could be making this whole thing up and I actually didn't say anything to you at all."

"Why would I be making it up?" Olivia's tone is low and dangerous when she speaks again, her eyes boring unblinkingly into Amanda's own, and her fingernails dig sharply into the tops of her thighs, fisting the material of her dress pants in the grip of her sweaty hands before willing herself to relax yet again.

"I don't know, you tell me," Amanda answers lightly, trying desperately to convey the same sense of calm that her superior is, but there are a few cracks in Olivia's rigid and unwavering demeanor now, and Amanda is sure she can see the brief shimmer of guilt-stricken tears in the older woman's eyes, along with an emotion she can't quite decipher, before Olivia blinks swiftly and they are gone.

"I think you're trying to push me out of this precinct because you're under the impression that I feel something for you that I clearly don't. You think we shouldn't be working together when all I did was kiss you at my place during the storm that night. It was a momentary lapse in judgment that won't happen again. I was just looking for a little fun, even if it was a bit inappropriate; a way to pass the time when it was too loud and too hot to sleep. You're giving yourself far too much credit here, Benson. I have no idea what I did or didn't say outside of the bar that night. You claim that we kissed, but I don't even remember _going_ outside, so I think this whole conversation is utterly pointless." Amanda's heart is pounding wildly in her chest and she can barely catch her breath now but she forces her voice into a flat, careless monotone before continuing. "And you don't have to worry about it being wrong for us to work together. I don't feel anything for you, Benson; nothing at all, not even friendship."

She watches the brunette's jaw clench tightly and her lips purse together before flattening out into a thin line, and Amanda wills her rapidly welling tears to stay back as she watches the way Olivia is trying to hold herself together now. "Why do I get the feeling you're not being honest with me?" the older woman asks softly, a hint of deep emotion obvious in her words.

"Oh, you're one to talk about not being honest," Amanda snorts in response before she can stop herself, watching Olivia's eyebrows raise high in question as the shrill ringing of the phone abruptly interrupts their discussion, making them both jump in response.

"Benson," her boss snaps out harshly into the receiver, and Amanda stands up from the couch and turns away, allowing her eyelids to briefly flutter closed while a single tear trickles down her cheek, her hands clammy and heart racing sickeningly inside her chest.

She has no idea that Olivia is even done talking, when Amanda suddenly hears her name being spoken and she quickly dashes the tear from her cheek before she whirls around to face her boss again, the other woman's features having smoothed out into that cool, unreadable mask once more.

"We need to go," the brunette states briskly, starting toward the door of her office while barely sparing Amanda a backward glance. "We're meeting Fin and Carisi at Mercy. Another man has just come into the emergency room and reported a sexual assault and beating in the bathroom of the same nightclub last night. Looks like we're going to have our work cut out for us today."

Amanda blows out a long breath of air that she hasn't even realized she had been holding and nods in response before trailing slowly after her boss, her heart breaking and her head hanging low in dejection and regret as she follows Olivia out into the squad room.

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By the time the team makes it back to the precinct, it is much later in the day and Amanda is a complete and utter mess, both physically and emotionally. She is barely holding herself together as she storms into the squad room during shift change, receiving a fair share of curious looks and raised eyebrows in response to her appearance as several other fellow officers are in the process of either coming or going from the station.

The weather has taken a turn for the worse, the clouds churning angrily in the dark and hazy sky as the rain pours down in sheets, the tornado watch having remained in effect throughout the day, lightning just beginning to flicker and thunder starting its low rumbling far off in the distance as they had pulled into the parking lot outside. Amanda's clothing is clinging to her body in sopping wet clumps, long blonde hair plastered to her head in soaked strands, trailing chunks of mud behind her as she shuffles inside next to Olivia. Fin and Carisi are just ahead of them and it is taking the combined efforts of both men to keep their suspect restrained, a tall man with very well-defined muscles who is sobbing dramatically and wailing to anyone who will listen that he couldn't possibly have hurt those men.

It hadn't taken long for the case to break wide open once a third man had been admitted to the emergency room not long after the first two, claiming to have been beaten and digitally penetrated in the bathroom of the exact same night club, all three men hurt by someone who had been hiding in one of the stalls and lurking patiently for anyone who happened to come inside, a predator awaiting his unsuspecting prey. The final man who had come into the hospital had recognized his attacker as the friend of a friend, and had been able to give them a physical description and a name.

They had easily tracked Michael Callahan to his place of work, a convenience store that he owned with his boyfriend, Drew, the two men meeting the team outside in the pouring rain as they had pulled up in their squad cars, almost as if they had been expecting them to arrive. A long and theatrical conversation had ensued, with the suspect repeatedly proclaiming his innocence while the man's visibly distraught boyfriend, who was clearly just as dramatic as his significant other, had screamed his lover's innocence at the top of his lungs, garnering quite the audience out on the street despite the brutal weather.

Amanda had already been in quite the foul mood and her anger and impatience with the whole situation had come spilling out, mouthing off in a sassy manner to both men and earning herself an unexpected tackle right into the muddy ditch by Michael, while Drew had stood on the sidelines and cheered his boyfriend on. The resulting wrestling match had lasted for several minutes and had left both of them covered head to toe in thick, oozing muck, their suspect and his boyfriend screaming obscenities at Amanda while it had taken the efforts of the entire team to pull Michael off of her, and the swearing and insults and threats had continued in the car all the way back to the precinct.

"You people are going to pay for this, especially you, Blondie!" Michael is shouting now, seemingly trying to point a finger straight at Amanda, even though he is handcuffed, while spearing her with a hateful glare. "Mark my words, there's going to be hell to pay for each and every one of you! You can't do this to an innocent man!"

"Innocent, my ass," Fin states calmly, shaking his head and throwing Amanda a sympathetic look as he and Carisi manhandle the suspect into an interrogation room, the man's melodramatic screams echoing down the hall, like is trying to put on a show for the entire precinct.

"Go grab a shower, Rollins, we've got this," Olivia says gently, and Amanda is surprised when the older woman reaches out a hand to squeeze her mud-caked arm, the brunette's mask falling momentarily away to reveal unconcealed worry and something indefinable, Olivia's hand lingering longer than necessary.

Amanda roughly pulls away from her superior's touch, so utterly sick and tired of having her emotions jerked back and forth constantly and determinedly ignoring the hurt look on the other woman's face, turning sharply on her heel to begin heading toward the locker room.

"Hey, Amanda, you doing okay?" Carisi's concerned voice rings out, and she sighs tiredly, whirling around to face her colleague as a chunk of mud breaks off the leg of her pants and falls to the floor with an audible splat.

She sees Olivia walking into the interrogation room down the hall, the older woman fixing her with an unreadable expression before disappearing through the door, Amanda's stomach muscles jumping in response to those smoldering brown eyes, before her gaze swings over to fix upon her fellow detective. "I'm fine, Carisi," she mutters, not wanting to get into a long discussion about her feelings on what had just taken place out in the field when all she wants is a long shower to wash away all the muck and dirt from her body.

"You sure?" he asks in a somewhat anxious tone, that eager-puppy expression on his face once again, and Amanda feels like she is about to explode with pent-up annoyance, unable to deal with everything this day has decided to throw at her. "I'm here if you need to talk, okay? Maybe we can grab some dinner later, or I can cook-"

"Carisi, I need you to back off a bit, okay?" Amanda says firmly, raising a hand and trying not to let her co-worker's crestfallen expression get to her. "You've been coming on a little strong lately. I don't want to do dinner, alright? All I want is to be left alone."

"Sorry," he murmurs, his shoulders slumping down in dejection as he holds up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "I was just trying to help."

"No, I'm the one who's sorry," Amanda sighs wearily, scrubbing her hands over her dirty face and overcome with a wave of guilt for how she has been treating her friend lately. "I'm just having a rough day, okay?"

"Okay," Carisi replies softly, and she can see the stark realization in his face; that he has indeed been coming on too strong and she is just not interested. "Look, I'm really sorry I've been so gung-ho about hanging out lately. I'll back off, alright?"

"Alright, thanks," Amanda whispers, her heart clenching in her chest at her colleague's pained expression and small nod of acknowledgment. "I'm going to go take a shower. You guys give that asshole in there hell, will you?"

"Yeah, no problem, Amanda," Carisi answers quietly, his lip quirking up sadly at the corner. "We'll give him hell for you and for those men that he hurt."

Amanda gives him a slight smile in return and then pivots on her heel to hurry as quickly as she can into the locker room, just needing to be away from everyone right now. She can hear her feet squishing wetly inside her shoots as she strides away at a fast pace, hoping no one else is in there and she can have the place to herself to shower in peace, as the emotions that have been simmering inside of her for the entire day have just about reached their boiling point.

" _Fuck!_ " Amanda grits out through clenched teeth, slamming her hand very forcefully into one of the lockers on the way to the showers because Carisi's forlorn look is piercing straight through to her heart and the guilt is eating her alive in this seemingly continual cycle of rejection; having to turn down one of her best friends while lying to the woman she is head over heels in love with and pretending she feels nothing for her.

"Shit. _Shit_ ," Amanda mutters under her breath, willing herself to keep her emotions in check as tears well up rapidly in her eyes and she glances around nervously to make sure no one else is in the room to witness this unexpectedly swift breakdown, all of the combined events of the past week and a half suddenly feeling like they are crashing down very hard upon her.

She grinds the heels of her hands into her eyes for a moment, inhaling and exhaling a giant shuddering breath and willing herself to calm down, at least until she gets into the shower where her tears will be free to mix in with the water and no one else will be the wiser. Amanda is ashamed and embarrassed at how quickly she seems to be falling apart after a simple tussle with a suspect; something that has occurred several times before and is more than likely to happen again. But suddenly being tackled and flung out across the wet ground like she had weighed nothing, like she was not a tough detective with skills and a gun, and landing so humiliatingly hard into that ditch full of mud in front of her co-workers and then having to be saved by them while the rain had cascaded down upon her seems to have been the tipping point for a meltdown, the icing on the cake of all of the shit that has happened over the past several days.

Amanda sheds her muck-strewn clothing as fast as she possibly can, aware that she has left a long trail of watery dirt behind her on the tiled floor on the way to the showers, and she ducks into the stall and turns the spray on full blast, stifling a surprised shriek at the burst of cold water that comes spurting out. After a brief moment of shock, her body adjusts to the temperature and the chilly water is actually quite a soothing treat after being out in the grotesque heat and humidity for a large majority of the day.

Amanda leans her head against the wall, much like she had done while in the grips of her severe hangover on Saturday, and lets the tears come now, the salty liquid trickling down her cheeks while she suppresses a sob and the layers of grime on her skin are washed away down the drain. She realizes that she is quite sore after her wrestling match with their suspect, and the physical pain is mixing in with the emotional pain now, Amanda pressing a hand hard against her mouth when she hears the door to the locker room open and very purposeful footsteps start heading in her direction.

She instantly recognizes who those footsteps belong to and grips onto her sopping hair with both hands, giving a tug of frustration when they stop right in front of her shower stall, the shadowy outline of a woman visible beyond the curtain, and she silently lectures herself to hold it together in her boss' presence.

"Rollins?" Olivia's voice is soft and concerned, raising somewhat to be heard over the sound of the rushing water. "Are you okay in there?"

"What are you doing in here, Benson?" Amanda snarls, not in the mood for any kind of discussion right now, as all she wants to do is get the rest of the wretched day over with and hunker down in her apartment with Frannie to wait out the next storm that is bearing down upon them, the possibility of a tornado ripping right through the middle of the precinct and completely obliterating the entire building suddenly seeming like quite an appealing scenario.

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright," Olivia replies in that same soft tone that only makes Amanda want to snarl at the older woman even more, as she would much prefer the brunette to be the cold version of herself that she had been in her office that morning. Amanda is not sure she can take any kindness from the woman she loves right now because she feels like she is on the verge of sliding down the wall of the shower stall and curling up into a ball on the soaking wet tiles to sob her heart out.

"Why wouldn't I be alright?" she asks casually, making sure to keep her tone light.

"Well, you got hit pretty hard out there," Olivia answers worriedly, and Amanda can see the other woman's shadow shifting uncertainly from foot to foot outside the curtain. "He's a pretty big guy and he was quite rough with you. Do you think you might need some medical attention?"

"I don't need medical attention for a few scrapes and bruises," Amanda snarks in response, rolling her eyes. "I'm pretty sure I'll live."

There is an expectant silence and Olivia seems to be standing very still now, as if waiting for something, and Amanda's eyebrows raise high in annoyance. "If that will be all, Lieutenant, I would really like to get back to my shower. I have mud caked in places that mud should never be." She pauses when there is still no movement or response from the other woman. "Shouldn't you be out there interrogating our suspect?"

"He started screaming for a lawyer right away, so we're waiting for her to arrive. And Fin and Carisi can handle him for now," Olivia says so quietly that Amanda has to strain to hear her. "Are you sure you're okay, Rollins? You seemed pretty upset out there."

"Well, other than being completely humiliated in front of my entire team, I'm just fine," Amanda snaps, quite angry with the fact that their suspect had to pick the youngest and smallest member of the group to have a wrestling match with, likely making her look even more immature and incapable than Olivia probably thinks she is, and she bites down hard on her lower lip as the tears that had begun to abate start up once again.

"Amanda." Olivia's voice is gentle and Amanda can see a hand raise up in front of the curtain for a moment, hovering in the air briefly before dropping back down again.

"Oh, so you finally remembered my first name again, did you?" Amanda sneers in reply, before she realizes what she is saying. "Is this becoming a once-a-week occurrence now? My bedroom, the alleyway, and now the shower? Which location will we be in when you remember my name next week?"

"I thought you didn't remember what happened in the alleyway." Olivia's voice is more stern when she speaks again, although the brunette doesn't sound entirely surprised. "I guess the alcohol didn't wipe out your memory after all, huh?"

Amanda's heart gives a quick jerk inside her chest as she is caught redhanded in her lie, scrubbing her hands over her face in irritation of her apparent inability to keep anything a secret around Olivia, and the tears are slipping down her cheeks one after the other now, unable to be contained. "Just leave me alone, will you?" she gasps out, wincing at the pathetic tone in her voice. "Just give me some damn privacy, please."

"Amanda, you need to come out of there and put some clothes on so we can talk," Olivia says with soothing patience but there is that undercurrent of some undefined emotion in her voice once again, and Amanda has completely had it with this conversation and this entire damn day in general. "I know you're upset and I also know that it's only partially because of what happened out in the field. Please just talk to me."

"You want to talk?" Amanda exclaims, dragging an arm across her face to rid herself of the unwanted tears before turning off the shower and suddenly whipping the curtain open without giving it a second thought, forcefully yanking the material aside so she is standing there in all her naked glory, long blonde hair plastered to the sides of her head and droplets of water cascading down her pale, bare skin. "So, talk."

" _Amanda_ ," Olivia breathes out in a somewhat choked tone, sounding like she has just had the wind knocked right out of her, and Amanda feels goosebumps pop up along her exposed wet skin at the way the other woman has just uttered her name, that familiar ache between her legs becoming all too apparent again.

"I like when you call me that, Olivia" she whispers, a fiery heat beginning to coil in the pit of her belly as she watches the brunette's gaze slowly sweeping the length of her nude body, the older woman's pupils dilating when their eyes lock once more. "I like when you call me Amanda instead of Rollins."

"I know," Olivia replies very softly, Amanda's heart giving a quick leap inside her chest when her boss takes a step forward and they are standing close enough for Olivia to reach out and touch her, if that's what the lieutenant chooses to do. "You mentioned that when we were outside of the bar the other night, which I'm guessing you actually do remember?"

"I remember," Amanda confirms quietly with a slow nod, and her fingers are twitching at her sides now as she has the urge to raise her hands and wrap her arms around Olivia's waist to pull the other woman flush against her bare body.

"So, I'm guessing if you remember that part of the conversation, you remember everything else that was said, then?" Olivia asks in a low tone, the other woman's voice dropping down to a huskier, more sultry registry and Amanda is quite sure that Olivia doesn't even know she is speaking this way; that her boss has no clue just how much of an affect she is having on her subordinate.

"Yes, I remember everything," Amanda murmurs, and this time she allows herself to reach up and stroke the back of her knuckles across Olivia's cheekbone in a featherlight touch, fingertips trailing up to smooth the other woman's damp locks of hair back from her forehead, splatters of rain visible on her boss' clothing and Amanda unconsciously licks her lips when she notices that the brunette's nipples are visible beneath the material of her blouse, the tiny nubs hard and standing at attention like they are begging to be touched.

She refrains from doing so as Olivia lifts her hand to brush against Amanda's own, tangling their fingers together and pressing their joined hands against her chest for a moment before releasing them and whirling away, as if to leave the room.

"What-" Amanda starts to protest, a deep frown of consternation pulling her eyebrows together, but she stops speaking when Olivia holds up one finger and strides quickly over to the door to turn the lock and pick up a clean towel that is sitting on the bench.

Her heart is knocking furiously against her ribs now as she watches the other woman walk back toward her, the brunette's hips swaying slightly and that frustratingly unreadable expression etched onto her superior's features once more, and Amanda's mouth has gone completely dry as Olivia returns to her spot in front of the shower stall and tries to hand her the towel, their gazes locked intently onto one another and the older woman's eyes darker than she has ever seen them.

Amanda ignores the proffered towel and continues to stand there in the nude, her nipples stiffening almost painfully under her lieutenant's intense stare, and she notices Olivia's hand trembling as the towel slips from between her fingers and drops to the floor, the brunette's arm hovering briefly in the air like she is very undecided about something.

"You can touch me, Liv," she whispers encouragingly, a soft noise escaping from the other woman's parted lips and heat pooling at the juncture of Amanda's thighs in response. "I want you to touch me. You can do whatever you want to me."

"You need to put some clothes on right now," Olivia orders sharply, although there is a tremor visible beneath that stern tone. "Michael Callahan's lawyer should be arriving shortly. I need to get back out there."

"Yeah, I guess it would be pretty inappropriate for a lieutenant to be fucking her subordinate in the precinct showers, wouldn't it?" Amanda acknowledges with a hollow chuckle, her arousal now reaching new heights as she imagines her boss pushing her down onto the tiles and bringing her to orgasm over and over again with her fingers and tongue.

" _Amanda_ ," Olivia hisses through clenched teeth, and there is a flood of color suffusing the taller woman's face now, a dark blush spreading across her cheeks and down her neck. "This is exactly why it's inappropriate for us to be working together. This kind of thing..." She trails off and gestures down at Amanda's nude body, the blush deepening profusely. "This kind of thing can't happen here. It's wrong."

"But it can happen elsewhere?" Amanda prods, one eyebrow arching suggestively in question.

" _No_ ," Olivia responds very firmly, bending over to pick up the towel and trying to hand it to her again, but Amanda roughly pushes it away. "What we're doing right now is very unprofessional and it has to stop."

"Well, if you're not going to fuck with me physically, can you also stop fucking with me emotionally?" Amanda grits out through clenched teeth, that anger spiking through her once again. " _You_ were the one who initiated things between us on Friday, Olivia. _You_ were the one who acted like a jealous teenager when Carisi and I were singing and dancing together at the bar. You can't threaten to transfer me when you're just as much of an enthusiastic participant as I am in this. It's not like you're just innocently standing by and doing nothing."

"But _you_ were the one who said..." Olivia's breathing has noticeably picked up as she tries to speak, and Amanda watches the other woman's chest heaving as she struggles to contain her emotions.

"That I thought I was in love with you?" she supplies softly, both eyebrows rising high now. "I know what I said, Liv, even though I pretended not to." She pauses briefly, inhaling a deep breath and exhaling it slowly before she speaks again. "And I don't just think I'm in love with you, I _know_ I am."

Olivia stands stock still for a moment and her lips part as if the brunette is about to respond, Amanda's stomach muscles clenching tightly with anticipation and a wild hope blooming within her that the other woman will return the sentiment and say the words she so longs to hear, but her boss' mouth snaps shut again and Amanda's hopes are almost dashed when she decides to try one more time. "Just forget about all of this for a minute, Liv," she says quietly, gesturing around at the room they are occupying. "Forget where we are and everything else that's going on at this moment. If I wasn't your detective and you weren't my lieutenant; if work didn't even factor into the equation, what you would say to me in return?"

"But it does factor in," Olivia protests softly, a sheen of tears shimmering in those big brown eyes now, and Amanda's heart clenches in both empathy and frustration.

"Olivia, for once in your life, will you just stop being so damn practical and think with your heart instead of your head?" she demands harshly and is utterly taken aback by what happens next.

Amanda is completely stunned when the other woman suddenly surges forward and crushes her lips against her own, backing her up very swiftly into the shower stall so that she is pressed flat against the wet wall, her hands splayed out across the damp tiles behind her while Olivia presses her body firmly against her own. Amanda kisses the brunette back with a wild abandon, fully aware that their suspect's lawyer should be arriving at any moment and someone might come pounding at the door to inquire at their whereabouts, and the thought of getting caught making out naked in the shower stall with her lieutenant sends a wicked thrill straight through her, even though she knows the consequences of their actions would be catastrophic for both Olivia and herself, but particularly for her boss.

Amanda desperately tries to get ahold of her raging hormones and emotions, feeling extremely conflicted because she knows she needs to pull away and put a stop to this before it gets even more out of control than it already is, but the part of her that just wants Olivia to throw her down onto the floor and have her way with her is winning out over the more sensible part. It doesn't help that the older woman's hands are trailing sensually up and down her bare sides now, fingertips tracing slow circles across her ribs, and Amanda grasps tightly onto one of Olivia's hands before guiding it up to her breast, moaning loudly into the other woman's mouth as the brunette hefts the slight weight into her palm, thumb brushing ever so slightly across a straining nipple. She bucks sharply against the other woman's body, the light touch sending a hard jolt right to her core, and every single cell of her being is on fire at that very moment, Amanda on the verge of exploding already as she deftly untucks Olivia's blouse from her pants, another moan wrenching from her throat when she feels her superior's soft bare skin beneath her fingertips.

Just when Amanda thinks that any and all common sense has completely deserted them and Olivia is going to end up just as naked as she is, both of them gasping and panting loudly into each other's mouths now, hands roaming across bodies quivering with pent-up desire and fingers exploring satin skin, the raw passion seemingly unable to be contained, the intensity of the moment is shattered by the shrill sound of Olivia's cell phone.

" _Fuck_ ," her lieutenant mutters, jerking herself away from Amanda and appearing to snap back to reality, the gravity of the situation apparently hitting her very hard as she wrenches the phone from her pocket and squints down at the display screen with a furrowed brow.

"Michael Callahan's lawyer has just arrived." Olivia is backing quickly away from her now, a shuttered look creeping across her features while she tucks her shirt back into her pants, and Amanda suddenly feels very exposed, standing there naked and shivering, her body struggling to come down from the high of kissing Olivia and having the other woman's hands on her, unable to stop imagining how far they could have gone if they hadn't been interrupted.

"You need to put some clothes on right now, Rollins. I need to get back out there." The older woman's words are clipped and tense and Amanda nods mutely in response, leaning down to pick up the towel and holding it over her bare breasts as she and Olivia share one last intense look, that unreadable expression fixed firmly on the brunette's face once again before she whirls around and marches from the room without another word.

Amanda allows herself to sag back against the shower wall in despair, a rush of breath escaping her lungs and her body feeling like that of a deflated balloon, the arousal and love and disappointment that are coiled tightly within her only companions now.

xxxxxxxxxx

Lightning is streaking brilliantly across the sky and thunder is rolling loudly in response when Amanda is finally able to leave the precinct for the day, heading purposefully toward the variety store down the street before continuing home to her apartment. She dashes quickly through the rain, sidestepping multiple puddles along the way, desperate for a pack of cigarettes as her nerves are well and truly shot now, the city remaining under a tornado watch and dark clouds swirling angrily above her head as the rain splatters down upon her, soaking her to the skin yet again.

The rest of the day had consisted of an extremely long and tedious interrogation with their suspect, the man's lawyer one of the most arrogant people Amanda has ever had the misfortune of dealing with, and his boyfriend deciding to show up at the station partway through the interview to throw another tantrum and dramatically proclaim his significant other's innocence before being escorted very firmly from the building, Fin threatening to arrest him if he came back.

Amanda has barely exchanged two words with Olivia since their very heated make-out session in the locker room showers, the two women studiously avoiding eye contact with each other for the remainder of the day, Carisi uncharacteristically quiet himself as they had all gone about their business, trying to wrap things up so they could leave. Fin was the only one who had been acting even remotely like himself by the time Amanda had left, and she is glad to be away from the uncomfortable awkwardness of the squad room, wanting nothing more than to get home to Frannie and provide come comfort to her pet during the nasty weather.

Her dog's terror of thunderstorms reminds her of Olivia's secret fear and Amanda's fingers slide over the phone that is tucked into her pocket while she waits in line to pay for her cigarettes, wondering if she should text the older woman to see if she wants any company for the evening. Olivia had been firmly ensconced in her office with the door locked and the blinds closed when Amanda had left, the older woman's stern voice radiating through the walls as she had engaged in some kind of intense conversation with someone on the other end of the line, and Amanda had walked out without a word, her stomach tied up in knots as she still has no idea where she stands with her superior.

Her phone begins ringing as she is handing the cashier some crumbled money from her wallet and she curses under her breath while she grabs the cigarettes with one hand and her phone with the other, Amanda's heart giving a quick leap inside her chest when she sees the name _Olivia Benson_ lighting up on the screen. She turns away to head out the door, hovering under the overhang for a moment so the phone doesn't get soaked, hope and dread twining together so sharply inside of her that it takes her breath away and she can't help sounding a little winded when she answers.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Amanda." Olivia's voice sounds hesitant and strained, but Amanda takes it as a good sign that the older woman is choosing to address her by her first name.

"Hey, Liv," she replies softly, huddling further against the wall of the store to try and keep from getting even more soaked than she already is and having a hard time hearing her boss over the sound of the rain. "How's it going?"

"Not great, to be perfectly honest," Olivia answers, her voice dragging out on a deep sigh. "But I think you already know that. Look, we really need to talk, Amanda. I have some things that I need to say and I was wondering if you wanted to come over for the evening. I'm still at the precinct but I'll be leaving shortly." There is a slight pause and Amanda's lip quirks up at the corner, her heart melting when the other woman speaks again, Olivia's vulnerable confession pulling on her heartstrings when her boss continues talking. "And to be perfectly honest, I could use the company during this horrible weather. I'm feeling a bit uneasy right now."

"I would love to join you for the evening, Liv," Amanda whispers gratefully, the hope overtaking the dread now and surging through her so quickly that she has to try and tamp the strong emotion down before it explodes. "Is it okay if I stop by my building to pick up Frannie first, though? I can guarantee that you're not the only one who is feeling uneasy right now. I don't want to leave her alone for the evening."

Before Olivia can answer, the hair on the back of Amanda's neck is inexplicably standing on end and she frowns in confusion, not sure what the problem is and why there is a sudden nervousness coursing through her system that has nothing to do with the visit to Olivia's or the storm that is currently raging above her head. She glances surreptitiously out at her surroundings, feeling oddly like she is being followed but can't spot anything out of the ordinary as she awaits Olivia's response; just her harried fellow New Yorkers sprinting through the rain and arguing over the cabs that are now in short supply due to the bad weather, but that tingly feeling persists, like something is not quite right.

Amanda shakes her head in perplexity, her attention diverted when Olivia begins speaking again, a smile of surprise and relief stretching across her face as she listens intently to the woman she loves and that spark of hope continuing to grow, no matter how hard she tries to push it down. "Sure, no problem, Frannie is more than welcome to join us. Why don't we meet at my place in an hour? I'm really looking forward to seeing you, Amanda."

"Good, I'm glad. I'm looking forward to seeing you too, Liv. I'm just picking up a pack of cigarettes before I go get Frannie, and then I'll head over." Amanda still feels that hint of unease as they chat, her mind occupied with thoughts of the brunette and anticipating what will take place when she reaches Olivia's apartment, trying to shake off that eerie sense that something is wrong.

"Those things will kill you," Olivia warns sternly and Amanda rolls her eyes in response, vaguely aware of someone calling out to her but unsure of where the voice is coming from or if she is even the intended recipient of the "Hey, lady!" that is shouted through the rain and rumbles of thunder as she skirts around the side of the building with the intention of heading as quickly as possible toward her car.

"What's that?" she hears Olivia ask on the other end of the line. "Is someone yelling at you?"

"No, I think they're yelling at someone else," Amanda replies distractedly, so much on her mind that she can hardly think straight at the moment and barely hears the footsteps coming up behind her.

"YO, BITCH!"

This gets her attention immediately and Amanda's head snaps up right away, whirling around and frowning in confusion at the somewhat familiar man now standing in front of her, the jittery limbs and booming voice and the rage that is very evident in his eyes causing the prickly unease to switch to dread as alarm bells begin going off inside her head.

"Oh, so you decided to stop ignoring me, huh? Unlike when you and your asshole cop buddies threw me out of the station earlier without even listening to what I had to say," the man snarls, and Amanda recognizes him now as the boyfriend of the suspect they currently have in custody for the sexual assaults and beatings of the men in the nightclub.

"What's going on?" Olivia's voice sounds slightly panicked over the phone now, her tone rising in intensity. "Who is that? Who's with you, Amanda?"

"It's Michael Callahan's boyfriend, Drew," she responds calmly, her heart rate picking up to a quicker pace and her hand hovering in the air near the gun that is still resting on her hip.

"Hang up the phone," Drew orders harshly, taking a menacing step toward her, the rain matting his short hair to his head and his eyes glinting crazily in the lightning flashing across the sky above them.

"I'm not going to hang up," Amanda replies, a note of firmness winding its way through the calm now, and she slides her hand closer to her weapon, not wanting to make any sudden moves. "I'm talking to my boss and you're interrupting our conversation. You're being very rude."

"Amanda, just hang tight, okay?" Olivia's tone is terse and edged with anxiety on the other end of the line, and Amanda can hear the older woman speaking in a rapid voice to someone else in the squad room. "You said you were picking up cigarettes, right? Is that the little place on the corner near the precinct, where Carisi gets his soda from sometimes?"

"Yup, that's the one," Amanda confirms casually, taking a small step away from the large, threatening man looming over her. "We're just hanging out around the back in the little courtyard, just the two of us."

"I said hang _up_ , you fucking bitch!" Before she even has time to react, Drew has reached around behind him to the waistband of his jeans and whipped out a gun that is now being pointed straight at her face. "Hang up or you're dead."

Amanda's heart seems to come to an abrupt stop before it starts up again and is slamming so wildly against her ribs that she can barely catch her breath now and fights to keep a cool head and remain as calm as she possibly can in this situation. "Liv, this actually isn't the best time to talk right now, so I'm going to hang up, alright?"

"Amanda, just hold on, just keep him talking," Olivia instructs very quickly before she ends the conversation, the blatant fear in the other woman's voice causing tears to well up in her eyes and Amanda blinks rapidly for a few seconds, not wanting anything to obstruct her vision. "Back-up is on the way, okay? I'm coming too. I'll be right there." There is the briefest of pauses and Amanda's heart clenches painfully in her chest as she is forced to cut her boss off mid-sentence. "Amanda, I lo-"

The line goes dead and Amanda tosses her phone onto the wet ground, raising her hands high into the air in a gesture of surrender, mentally urging Olivia to get there as fast as she can and willing herself not to think about what the older woman had been trying to say. She needs a clear head and absolutely no distractions and she looks the distraught man straight in the eye, fixing an expression of compassion onto her face.

"Okay, Drew, just talk to me, alright? What's the problem? What's going on?" There is a slight tremor in Amanda's placid tone when she speaks again, and she can feel sweat mixing in with the rainwater now, the muggy air and the mounting panic threatening to choke off her air supply before the weapon being pointed at her can even be fired.

" _You_. You're my problem, actually," Drew sneers in furious contempt and Amanda winces inwardly when she sees the gun shake violently in the man's unsteady hand."You and those other asshole cops who arrested my Michael for absolutely no reason at all! He didn't do anything! You come to our place of business in the middle of the day, accusing him of committing those heinous crimes, parading him outside like some kind of sideshow for the entire neighborhood to gawk at, even though he's an innocent man?!"

"Well, actually, Drew, we had a very good reason for doing what we did," Amanda says mildly, making sure to keep her hands in the air where he can see them. "But you know what? You could be right. Maybe he is innocent. Accidents happen and sometimes the wrong people are arrested. It's definitely worth having another conversation with him." She knows she is rambling but is determined to keep him talking to buy Olivia and the others some time to arrive before the worst happens, and she is very thankful that the precinct is not too far away.

"You threw him into the mud on the ground like he was some kind of animal!" the large man wails dramatically, the gun shaking more noticeably in his shuddering grip now, and Amanda sucks in a sharp breath because it doesn't look like she is going to be able to reason with him.

"Okay, he jumped me, Drew, do you remember that?" she replies as gently as she possibly can, eager to keep the discussion flowing but not wanting to make him any angrier than he already is.

"Only because you were being a mouthy little bitch!" Drew retorts in derision, gesturing at her disconcertingly with the weapon clutched in his hand. "What choice did he have?"

"You know what? You're right, you're absolutely right," she acknowledges soothingly, her eyes trained sharply on the gun as it wobbles yet again. "I've been having a really bad day and I can get pretty mouthy sometimes, so I don't even blame Michael for what he did. It's perfectly understandable and I probably deserved it."

"Yeah, you _did_ ," Drew agrees very vehemently, and before Amanda can even feel a hint of relief, the gun is pressed right into her forehead, the weapon digging painfully into her skin. "And you deserve a lot more than that, you little bitch. Michael's life is ruined because of you."

Amanda is at a loss for words now as it occurs to her that she is really quite fucked, but in an entirely different way than she had hoped to be that evening. The pounding of her heart grinds right to a halt even before the shot rings out and kills her, when Drew leans over and whispers, "Say goodnight, bitch," into her ear.

Amanda lets out a small whimper and squeezes her eyes shut as he presses the muzzle of the gun even harder into her forehead, cocking the trigger with an audible click that can be heard over the pattering of the rain and the rumbling of the thunder, and she pictures Olivia's beautiful face, her lieutenant's warm brown eyes and tender smile and softly curling hair.

She keeps that image fixed firmly in her mind because she knows that Olivia is not going to make it in time and Amanda wants the woman she loves to be the last thing she sees.


End file.
